Helen's Highlight Reel
- Visited doctor for checkup, grievously hung over from yet another stupid work party. Discovered, when asked to disrobe, mortifyingly mismatched socks. Attempted unsuccessfully to convince doctor that skimpy open-in-back gown weighed 8 pounds while standing on lying bastard of a scale. Managed, shockingly, to pee in cup without peeing on hands.
- After two years of constant online ridiculousness, finally met Dan and Renee in person, at Bronx Zoo. Watched enormous monkey spank his not-quite-so-enormous monkey. Watched gorillas eat both their own poo and the poo of others. Life = good.
- Took Dan and Renee to Chelsea, because gayborhood is what I know. Ate and drank far, far too much, because that's what I do. Enjoyed self tremendously.
- Engaged in heated altercation with cab driver who, based solely on my requested destination, referred to me as a "fucking whore." (Note: requested destination was neither a brothel nor a strip club, thereby rendering remark uncalled for, if not inaccurate.) Relinquished my right to report his psychotic behavior to the taxi commission by informing him I was the mayor's niece and would "own him by Monday." Don't ask why, as no answer exists. Made it home safely, albeit in different cab.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
- Gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh. Gaaaaah. Oy.
- HBO On Demand. Food. More food. Still more food. Mmmmm, food.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
- Made first venture to laundromat in new 'hood. Made up fake husband to dodge advances of scary (okay, ugly) dude who came in off the street to ask A) if I'm Puerto Rican, and B) Could he call me sometime? (No, and, uh, no. But thanks, though. No, really.)
- Finished unpacking and organizing apartment. Socks now successfully matched. Remaining bubble wrap disposed of without further incident.
- "Custer was a cunt. The end." - Calamity Jane
- Life = good.