Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Happy Satan Day!

I have no idea what the caption says, but I love me some Satan a la South Park.

6/6/06 is a special day here in the Ninth Circle. And for more than the glaringly obvious reasons, too. My reverence for all things evil is rooted fairly deeply in my family's history.

My grandfather was born in Brooklyn in 1910, to recent Italian immigrants. A couple of days later, a family friend casually asked, "what are you going to call the little devil?" A bad seed was unwittingly planted; Great Grandpa Giovanni, funny funny guy that he was, named his son Dante Lucifero. No shit. (The fact that my grandfather was pretty much Satan incarnate for most of his life is a story for another day. Right now we're happy, yay.)

It's clear, then, that I simply can't help it. The badness...it's in my genes. And today...it was made for people like me.

So how does one properly celebrate such a rare and momentous occasion as this?

For the NY kids, I recommend getting totally hammered at Duff's and calling in sick tomorrow. Then, when you get fired, you can sell your soul to the devil to become rich and famous. Everybody wins!

Denver monkeys should go see the Giraffes tonight, along with Stephanie Bastard, Raging Intestine, elusive Denver Post music critic Ricardo Baca (poo on you, Ricky!) and a mildly retarded host of others. I actually wish I was there. Kinda.

You could, of course, go see the Omen remake, or crank out some Slayer.

And for the rest of you lazy bastards, I'll make it easy to revere the evil...Maiden loves you.

5 Comments:

Blogger Big Daddy said...

'Dante Lucifero' sounds like a porn character in some Europorno flick. Not that I watch porn or anything; and no offense to your fam.

4:40 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Well, I certainly watch porn, and you're totally right. Ass.

5:20 PM  
Blogger MEK the Bear said...

Well, first, let me say YAY FOR PORN! Ok, now that I've got that out of the way I'll just say that if you are the anti-christ Helen, could you hurry up and rally all those xtians onto the next world already? There messing up my mojo.

And though I've never had the desire for children I suddenly want a child just to be able to name him Dante Lucifero, that's too sweet!

6:52 PM  
Blogger Shan said...

Happy Beelzejuicy...
Beetlebug...
Bibblybopsit...
Beelzebub Day.

Yeah.

From your friendly demonic Malaysian counterpart who's been told to go to hell many, many a time.

10:53 PM  
Blogger Da Nator said...

"Right now we're happy, yay."

Hee!

BTW, listening to Iron Maiden will forever remind me of the year in my teenagedom I had to resell my 4th row(!) tickets to them and, yes, Twisted Sister because my evil stepmother's stupid great aunt died, or something. I think it pretty much sealed my decision to move back in with my mother. ;o)

12:16 PM  

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