Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Will fuck for air conditioning

Seriously. It's come to that.

My only stipulations are a) we have to watch Rockstar Supernova before gettin' down to bidness, b) I'm not going to pretend to like it if you're crap in bed, and c) my cat comes with me to your place. (Unlike her mommy, she'll be willing to cuddle with you.)

This has really, really got to stop, post haste.


Blogger Jonathan said...

I just love, love, love you blog. I was going to simply complain how hot it was on my blog. You keep things so plain and simple. . .

11:37 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

I have a really big AC unit. It barely fits in the window. It doesn't run all day but once it gets going it's a real work-horse...

I'm grossing myself out now.

12:21 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Jonathan...too bad you're gay. Too bad for me, that is.

Peter...see you in 20 minutes.

12:40 PM  
Blogger Da Nator said...

Wow - you don't have any air conditioning? That's...
quite possibly insane.

We're just hoping Con Ed keeps the power coming through the heatwave. Our cats have already informed us that if our AC fails, they are calling PETA and moving to grandma's.

Let us know if you get desperate. We don't ask for sexual favours, but if you volunteer to scoop kitty litter...

12:43 PM  
Blogger P/O said...

bummer. you had me til the cat thing.

2:38 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Really, P/O? I thought the vagina thing woulda done it. If it ain't one pussy, it's another...

And Nator, I'll scoop poop for AC, mos def! I do it for nothing now, so why not? As for not having air...well, at least I have big tits. That's all I have to say about that.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Limecrete said...

Were I not halfway across the country, I'd gladly have you and both of your pussies over. But there is no way in hell Rock Star: Supernova is befouling my residence.

3:42 PM  
Blogger DMo said...

So what, we like take a number?

5:51 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

DMo, it's more like first served, first come, or something. But since you're one of two straight guys who ever, ever reads this crap, you've got a good shot (filthy pun fully intended.)

6:06 PM  
Blogger rodger said...

Don't big tits just make it hotter? Somthing to do with more surface space I believe.

6:06 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Big tits do, in fact, make everything hotter. That's pretty much a given.

6:18 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

'Our cats have already informed us that if our AC fails, they are calling PETA and moving to grandma's.'

That's funny. I saw the headline on the local paper today about your heatwave. Nothing like the smell of NYC baking in the August sun.

I feel your pain.

6:20 PM  
Blogger Shan said...

And here I am sitting in the tropics, a whisker away from the equator, wondering what you're complaining about :D

The heat! Even here it's a bitch. Something that will help (but may not make much sense right now) is to eat spicy food like Thai/Malaysian/Indian. You'll start sweating in an effort to cool down and you should feel a lot better. And you'll fill yourself up with some good nosh too.

But I can't speak for the B.O. factor so you'd better stock up on the deodorant.

8:15 PM  
Blogger DMo said...

Big puns make everything hotter.

11:45 AM  
Blogger Big Dan said...

I'm just hoping I count as one of the straight guys, probably not, but I dare to dream.

1:48 PM  
Blogger Da Nator said...

Technically, according to Bergman's Rule, the greater body mass an animal has, the greater heat it produces, owing to the greater amount of cells. However, according to Allen's Rule, the length of appendages has an effect on the amount of heat lost to the surrounding environment, due to radiation of heat by surface area. So, the large mass of big tits may increase your core temperature, but the greater surface area can be cooling. Therefore, we may conclude that:

1.) You must firmly inform your boobies that they are appendages, and thus must comply with Allen's Rule
2.) The more you can spread your boobies out and expose them to cooler temperatures which may aid in evaporative and radiative cooling, the faster your temperature will decrease.

Ergo, you don't need AC - you need an ice bra!

1:53 PM  
Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

I'm a 3 hour drive from NY and I have a very frigid apartment. See you soon!

5:11 AM  

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