Friday, July 21, 2006

Upon spotting a giant cockroach in my apartment...

Four years ago:
Screamed. Jumped up and down. Ran from room. Approached both tears and reverse peristalsis (but, for the record, succumbed to neither.) Left frantic note for sleeping roommate, all in caps with many underlines and exclamation points, expressing insistence that we move immediately. Considered leaving worthless, filthy shithole of a city once and for all.

This morning:
Arched one eyebrow, impressed with size and boldness of insect invader. Calmly wadded up toilet paper. Smashed without mercy. Cast into toilet. Muttered "take THAT, motherfucker." Flushed. Resumed makeup application.

Progress?

10 Comments:

Blogger Tom said...

Oh yes, you've come a long way, baby.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Rick Andreoli said...

I try being the butch one in our home... and then scream like a little girl when the bug moves after I've squashed it. So yes, I'd say you've made HUGE progress.

5:44 PM  
Blogger Da Nator said...

Next step is sautéeing them in a white wine and butter sauce...

6:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just like tracy turnblad nonchalantly kicking a rat off of her shoe in hairspray!
kiss kiss
mr pinky,
your Colorado correspondent

7:38 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

Talk about progress... I remember when I moved into an beach front apartment that happened to be in the not so nice section of town. Dozing off to sleep one night I heard the sound of gun fire that sounded like it was right outside my window. Needless to say I had to change the sheets that night. A year or so later I hear gun fire one evening while talking on the phone so I saunter over and close the front door, totally nonplussed and continued my phone convo. Progress, or total luncacy on my part for not breaking the lease the FIRST time I heard gunfire?

10:10 PM  
Blogger curly mcdimple said...

Well done! Isn't it amazing how the sighting of a pest causes us to speak in action flick-like catchphrases? Upon opening up a box of rodenticide and leaving it out for would-be tailed intruders, I declared in a tone as cold as steel, "Eat this, bitch." Apparently, my pest control methods tend to borrow heavily from the Arnold/Sly/Chuck Norris/Steven Seagall playbook.

11:48 PM  
Blogger GayProf said...

I would have been more impressed if this event didn't interfere with the make-up application at all.

5:03 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

At least it wasn't a rat.

6:50 PM  
Blogger David said...

Abso-fuckin-lutely.

4:14 PM  
Blogger Jonathan said...

What a good New Yorker!

1:06 PM  

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