U.S.C. in da house
I should introduce myself...I'm Helen's upper spinal column. Nicetameetcha.
Why is Helen's upper spinal column guest blogging in the Ninth Circle, you ask?
Weeeeellll...I guess I just got sick of that drunken little hussy and her crazy livin', so I kinda took over the body for awhile. I put the word out to seven of my vertebrae to start an insurrection, so four of them locked up tighter than Mother Teresa's britches, and the other three jumped out in different directions like white people attempting to step dance. That sure as hell shut Helen up but good. Except for the moans of pain and whatnot, that is. For the last week, Miss Mouthypants has been flat on her back. And for once, it was for a reason other than, uh...well, you know. Ahem.
So anyway, that bastard physical therapist of hers managed to snap one of my boys back in line today, which has temporarily enabled Helen to sit upright for more than 20 minutes without crying. Son of a... But worry not, I'm still conspiring with my vertebrae, and we're working hard to ensure she's on her back again, just in time to ruin her vacation. I'm so awesome.
Did I mention that I already cost her free tickets to see The Killers from her firm's corporate luxury box? Oh yeah. I totally did. Who's the big winner? Upper Spinal Column, bitches!
That said, I doubt you'll be hearing from her again for a minute. Little crackhead looooooves those muscle relaxers that the doctor gave her, so she'll probably be too busy drooling and giggling to blog much.
She may not let me blog again once she gets better...vindictive little shit...so I'll say peace out to y'all. Cross your fingers that she doesn't get all crazy and try to make me exercise, or something, once she's back on her feet. I shudder at the very thought...and hey, that shuddering seems to cause her pain! Woooooooo!