Monday, April 02, 2007

Helen Damnation, Corporate Whore

Lately, I've been awakening with these incredibly ominous, profoundly dark thoughts in my head. I'm not sure where they're coming from, exactly, but they drop breath-stealing weights onto my chest and make me wish I could go back to sleep once and for all.

This morning's gut-twisting revelation was that the content and quality of my soul seems to have an inversely proportional relationship with the balance of my 401 (K).

Let me tell you...it's happened quietly, little by little, but I checked on my account today, and there's some real cash in there.

Yay for corporate America. And me. Wooo. Yeah.

Sigh.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Tater said...

I'ma big ole pimp slappin, daddy mackin, full on hardcore corpwhore too. So let's pick out street names! Mine will be Iona Sextoi! What's your's?

6:38 PM  
Blogger Da Nator said...

OK, 401K = A GOOD THING. Trust me, I'm looking at a mother pushing 70 with almost no retirement savings. Brrr...

And thanks for reminding me... I have to figure out where/hoe to rollover my accounts when I leave my job this week.

6:57 PM  
Blogger BigAssBelle said...

i don't know how old you are, but i think i was in my mid-30s when i realized there was actually a nice chunk of money tucked away.

as it's grown, it's become very weird. it doesn't fit with my image of myself ~ free spirit, wild thing, loose, frisky woman ~ to be saving money at a brisk pace.

it's just weird. like i've become my father or something. or a grownup, god forbid.

8:20 AM  
Blogger lioux said...

Yay, You!!!

11:27 AM  
Blogger GayProf said...

Your 40-what now?

1:44 PM  
Blogger David said...

My soul must be as pure as rays of the sun, because my 403(b) - the non-profit equivalent of a 401(k) - is vestigial at best.

6:58 PM  
Blogger Red7Eric said...

Hoo-ah.

Just don't show anyone that picture of yourself in the attic.

8:09 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

My *single* brother is a genius at managing 401K's. He would be so proud of you!

10:03 PM  
Blogger Becky C. said...

For the sake of your soul a way should be found to withdraw the funds and use it to open a girl bar on a tropical island.

~Becky

1:36 PM  

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