Thursday, March 15, 2007

Judge not, lest ye be stupid

Last night I mustered my gumption and made my way up the block to wash clothes at the 24-hour laundromat. It was mercifully, surprisingly uncrowded; the only other patrons were a moderately obese woman and a desperately thin woman, who were doing their laundry together and speaking animatedly in a language I could not identify.

The larger woman left briefly, and when she returned, she was carrying a large plastic bag and a jumbo-sized Breyer's Ice Cream tub.

"Jesus christ," I thought. "She's gonna sit here in this filthy laundromat and eat that whole gallon of ice cream. That is SO gross. No wonder she's huge! Jesus christ! And damn...now I want some ice cream too. Son of a..."

She set the plastic bag on the floor, placed the tub on top of a washer, and opened the lid.

It was, of course, full of powdered laundry soap.

God I'm an asshole.

12 Comments:

Blogger BigAssBelle said...

hahaha!! i adore you. recognizing your assholeness is what makes ya wonderful. i am an asshole too. it's always such a shock to realize.

5:56 PM  
Blogger Shan said...

Gumption.

I've not heard that word in ages! I need to start using it again. Thanks for reintroducing it to me.

GumpShen! Whee.

I think you were just upset with yourself for wanting the ice cream. Its ok. Everyone deserves a little ice cream now and then.

10:10 PM  
Blogger Red7Eric said...

Hey, jumping to conclusions can be really fun. Man, the view is GREAT from up here.

11:10 PM  
Blogger evilganome said...

So. Was she using Rocky Road, or say Neopolitan laundry soap? Just askin'.

4:28 AM  
Blogger evilganome said...

Um.. that should be Neapolitan. Hey, it's 4:30 in the morning!

4:43 AM  
Anonymous tater said...

Identify with your inner asshole, identify with your inner asshole, identify with your inner asshole.

Wow, this mantra makes meditation so much easier!

9:28 AM  
Anonymous henry said...

You are fast becoming the oracle of Brooklyn, pronouncing truth and wisdom to the land. The helenation of America is upon us.

11:15 AM  
Blogger GayProf said...

I am confused. Why would she want to eat a tub of laundry soap?

12:14 PM  
Blogger lioux said...

I wonder what this woman keeps in her her bottle of liquid Tide®™©™?

12:21 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Carmel sauce, lioux.

5:04 PM  
Blogger David said...

But how do you think that Breyer's tub got emptied in the first place?

6:40 PM  
Blogger Da Nator said...

You know, I would probably be thinking the same thing, and I AM that fat woman.

Then I'd think, "mmm... ice cream," and leave the store to get some.

If, you know, I ever had the gumption to do my own damn laundry.

Assholes unite!

11:48 PM  

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