Friday, March 23, 2007

Helen Damnation, Future CEO

There's a woman in my office we'll call Miss Thang. She's quite funny, a bit older than me, and has a reputation for tellin' it like it is. Occasionally, Miss Thang sends out little "brain teaser" emails to a few of us, to help pass the time we're already wasting miserably in our pathetic corporate jobs.

The last one, sent a few weeks ago, was "what's the longest word that can be typed using only one line on a keyboard?" My answer was, of course, "aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Her reply was concise and direct: "You, miss, are a complete retard."

Today, Miss Thang sent another one. I pondered it for awhile, and proceeded to send a thoughtful, potentially correct response, along with a critical query:

"Miss Thang...am I still a complete retard?"

It took her longer than I expected to respond. Clearly she was giving this question some serious thought. After an hour or so, I received her reply:

"Well, honey...the jury's still out on whether you're a complete retard. But you're a pretty retard, nonetheless."

My response, in contrast to Miss Thang's, was almost immediate:

"I like ponies!"

14 Comments:

Blogger Big Daddy said...

'I try to pity you' can be typed on one line.

You can also write: 'Teepee it'.

Ooh, this is kind of fun.

'Rope it up'

'Queue to pee'

'Tier two putter'

4:32 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

For the record, the correct answer was, semi-ironically, "typewriter".

I like "queue to pee" better, though. Nice work, Big Daddy.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Oh, oops. I thought what is the longest sentence you can type on one row.

8:29 PM  
Blogger Shan said...

Ass may not be the longest word but it certainly is the coolest.

3:29 AM  
Blogger Lotuslander said...

Well your smart and pretty, my psychic powers the aliens bestowed on me during my anal probing, or a night a the baths assure me of it.

7:45 AM  
Anonymous Tater said...

I like Ponies!

You just made me laugh so hard, that I farted!

9:45 AM  
Anonymous ivan said...

Ask Miss Thang Smarty Pants what the longest word that can be typed with two fingers? (using correctly assigned finger keystrokes, natch) I've been waiting for YEARS to share this little nugget: honolulu.

11:45 PM  
Blogger TigerYogi said...

LOL! :)

11:02 AM  
Blogger lioux said...

Ponies ARE pretty cool.

11:16 AM  
Blogger GayProf said...

I like My Little Pony ponies. You can brush and style their pretty, pretty hair.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Red7Eric said...

Intelligence fades eventually. Beauty is forever.

Love,
Anna Nicole

1:56 PM  
Blogger Frank said...

I like ponies, too. Ass ponies.

8:06 PM  
Blogger David said...

It's nice to know you are complete. So many of us spend our lives incomplete.

3:20 PM  
Blogger BigAssBelle said...

don't we all, honey, don't we all. ponies.

6:10 PM  

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