How to get laid at the office
Pay attention, boys. This shit works.
Helen: Jesus, it's so cold in here. Is it me? I'm freezing! (waaaaah)
Helen's officemate, Eric: Nah, I think it's fine.
Helen: Dammit. What's wrong with me?
Eric: I think maybe you just don't have enough fat on your body.
Helen: ...
It matters not that this is total bullshit. The kid is good.
If only he weren't actually a kid, and I didn't have to, you know, share an office with him.
Dang.
Helen: Jesus, it's so cold in here. Is it me? I'm freezing! (waaaaah)
Helen's officemate, Eric: Nah, I think it's fine.
Helen: Dammit. What's wrong with me?
Eric: I think maybe you just don't have enough fat on your body.
Helen: ...
It matters not that this is total bullshit. The kid is good.
If only he weren't actually a kid, and I didn't have to, you know, share an office with him.
Dang.
posted by Helen the Felon at 12:27 PM
10 Comments:
I wonder what the gay male equivalent this might be ...
Steve: Jesus, it's so cold in here. Is it me? I'm freezing!
Steve's officemate, Brad: Nah, I think it's fine.
Steve: Dammit. What's wrong with me?
Brad: I think your penis is so huge that it's draining the blood supply from the rest of your body, resulting in a slight chill.
Eric, I think that's pretty much dead-on, except that it would be "Bradley" and "Steven" having that conversation.
Effing hilarious.
Hey Eric...there's an opening in my office.
You beat me to it!
I was going to say it would be a convo between 'Stephen' and 'Michael'.
Here's one that happened yesterday in the newsroom. But maybe it's a better example of how NOT to get laid.
Cliff: Damn there are just no cute guys in the office to gawk at.
Guy: There is one. (looks at Cliff meaningfully)
Cliff: ...
Clearly, gay men are much better at this stuff, in general. I wonder if my officemate is secretly The Gay.
Boy, would his girlfriend be pissed.
Academics would have a much more boring stint, regardless of gender or sexual orientation:
EggHead 1: Jesus, it's so cold in here. Is it me? I'm freezing!
EggHead 2: Nah, I think it's fine.
EggHead 1: Dammit. What's wrong with me?
EggHead 2: You probably have been spending so much time doing smart things in the library/ archives/ lab that your body can no longer regulate its own body temperature. You might also have a Vitamin D deficiency from lack of sunlight.
EggHead 1: ...
I am in awe of your masterful use of Gay Long Name Syndrome in this post. You are amazing!
Wait a second, I think somthing very important got overlooked hear. Hot dude smot dude. You are actually working in an office? I have been stuck in a cube for the past 14 years, and you got your ass into an actual office. I will be really be jelous if it comes with a window too.
Or, at the office last week, as hot young Cuban janitor enters crowded elevator and wedges himself in face-to-face with Farmboy:
Janitor: Press ten for me.
Farmboy:...(raises eyebrow, slightly smirks).
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