Tuesday, November 14, 2006

How to get laid at the office

Pay attention, boys. This shit works.

Helen: Jesus, it's so cold in here. Is it me? I'm freezing! (waaaaah)

Helen's officemate, Eric: Nah, I think it's fine.

Helen: Dammit. What's wrong with me?

Eric: I think maybe you just don't have enough fat on your body.

Helen: ...

It matters not that this is total bullshit. The kid is good.

If only he weren't actually a kid, and I didn't have to, you know, share an office with him.



Blogger Red7Eric said...

I wonder what the gay male equivalent this might be ...

Steve: Jesus, it's so cold in here. Is it me? I'm freezing!

Steve's officemate, Brad: Nah, I think it's fine.

Steve: Dammit. What's wrong with me?

Brad: I think your penis is so huge that it's draining the blood supply from the rest of your body, resulting in a slight chill.

3:52 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Eric, I think that's pretty much dead-on, except that it would be "Bradley" and "Steven" having that conversation.
Effing hilarious.

4:35 PM  
Blogger rodger said...

Hey Eric...there's an opening in my office.

6:00 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

You beat me to it!

I was going to say it would be a convo between 'Stephen' and 'Michael'.

9:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's one that happened yesterday in the newsroom. But maybe it's a better example of how NOT to get laid.

Cliff: Damn there are just no cute guys in the office to gawk at.

Guy: There is one. (looks at Cliff meaningfully)

Cliff: ...

12:46 AM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Clearly, gay men are much better at this stuff, in general. I wonder if my officemate is secretly The Gay.

Boy, would his girlfriend be pissed.

8:50 AM  
Blogger GayProf said...

Academics would have a much more boring stint, regardless of gender or sexual orientation:

EggHead 1: Jesus, it's so cold in here. Is it me? I'm freezing!

EggHead 2: Nah, I think it's fine.

EggHead 1: Dammit. What's wrong with me?

EggHead 2: You probably have been spending so much time doing smart things in the library/ archives/ lab that your body can no longer regulate its own body temperature. You might also have a Vitamin D deficiency from lack of sunlight.

EggHead 1: ...

2:22 PM  
Anonymous Aaron said...

I am in awe of your masterful use of Gay Long Name Syndrome in this post. You are amazing!

5:05 PM  
Anonymous js said...

Wait a second, I think somthing very important got overlooked hear. Hot dude smot dude. You are actually working in an office? I have been stuck in a cube for the past 14 years, and you got your ass into an actual office. I will be really be jelous if it comes with a window too.

12:44 PM  
Blogger farmboyz said...

Or, at the office last week, as hot young Cuban janitor enters crowded elevator and wedges himself in face-to-face with Farmboy:

Janitor: Press ten for me.

Farmboy:...(raises eyebrow, slightly smirks).

7:40 AM  

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