I knew Helen when she used to rock-n-roll
Tommy Lee and Helen Damnation, circa 2003
It's not the fact that I bought a camel-colored argyle cardigan for work, though...that could be at least partially explained away. Gotta pay the bills, right? No, that's not the problem. The real issue is the fact that I actually like this here cardigan. When I saw it in the store, I wanted it immediately and was tremendously excited when they had it in my size. But you can't blame me, really...I mean come on, it's Italian silk and cashmere, and it's so soft, and...
Yeah, wow, fuck. My days of partying with rock stars are most assuredly over. If it weren't for the fact that my tits are still fairly fantastic, I'd look just like my grandpa in this damned sweater. It's only a matter of time and gravity before people start calling me "sir" and giving up their seats on the subway for the old dude.
Helen Damnation, projected age progression, circa 2015
Next steps: Mom jeans, easy listening, more cats.