Monday, October 30, 2006

I knew Helen when she used to rock-n-roll

I think it's pretty safe to say that whatever rock cred one had accrued is officially part of her past when she buys her first argyle cardigan. Camel-colored argyle. This is for real; I'm wearing it at this very moment. Five years ago, I would have considered slapping the ever-livin' shit out of a girl wearing an argyle cardigan, just on principle.

Tommy Lee and Helen Damnation, circa 2003

It's not the fact that I bought a camel-colored argyle cardigan for work, though...that could be at least partially explained away. Gotta pay the bills, right? No, that's not the problem. The real issue is the fact that I actually like this here cardigan. When I saw it in the store, I wanted it immediately and was tremendously excited when they had it in my size. But you can't blame me, really...I mean come on, it's Italian silk and cashmere, and it's so soft, and...

Yeah, wow, fuck. My days of partying with rock stars are most assuredly over. If it weren't for the fact that my tits are still fairly fantastic, I'd look just like my grandpa in this damned sweater. It's only a matter of time and gravity before people start calling me "sir" and giving up their seats on the subway for the old dude.

Helen Damnation, projected age progression, circa 2015


Next steps: Mom jeans, easy listening, more cats.

Awesome.

6 Comments:

Blogger Tom said...

You in mom jeans? No, I can't picture that. I won't picture that.

But the sweater sounds real cute.

6:14 PM  
Blogger GayProf said...

Hold up -- The cardigan is all natural fibers and, I imagine, probably accentuates the busty side of Helen.

Before we start handing out the Geritol, let's keep things in perspective. Keep an eye on the cat thing, though.

12:17 PM  
Blogger Da Nator said...

Don't worry, I don't think you'll live that long. Considering where you're touching Tommy Lee in that photo, who knows what diseases you caught?

1:23 PM  
Anonymous JS said...

Ok, you shared the Tommy photo on your blog. How about coughing up the Video too.

1:36 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Ha! I'm in the same boat with you. Although I bought my argyle sweater at the end of last winter's seasonal sale.

It's cream/white with blue and gray argyle. I had to get something to match my socks.

As long as you don't start wearing Christmas sweaters, you should be ok.

5:19 PM  
Anonymous Hilary said...

Cats, eh, not a big deal, but holy crap, mom jeans? There's never an excuse for those. Even my husband's grandma wears appropriate fitting pants. Age is not an excuse! :)

12:37 AM  

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