Dear Miss Manners...

A hypothetical scenario, requiring your input:

Older, respectable higher-up type from your company gets in the elevator with you and three or four others on a Monday morning. He stands in front of you, and turns to his left to speak to a colleague. When he turns back to face the front of the elevator, you notice that the prominent bald spot on the back of his head has been painted over with some sort of bubbly beige-colored goo which closely resembles something your cat barfed up over the weekend.

The proper response is:

1. "Good morning, sir! My, that's some Great Looking Hair!"



2. Silence + the best fake smile you can muster while chomping on your tongue



3. Silent prayer thanking god for the spare panties in your desk drawer, as present pair has been mildly soiled



4. Make eye contact with fellow elevator occupant, draw his/her attention to the head in question, and struggle together to suppress horrified giggles



5. Avoid eye contact with all fellow elevator occupants completely, with knowledge that shared horrified giggles will be far, far more difficult to suppress



6. Do the old guy a favor by farting loudly and excusing yourself, red-faced, thereby trumping his humiliation



7. 2 + 3



8. 2 + 3 + 5



9. 3 + 4



10. Other (please be specific)

Confidential responses will be accepted here.

Your thoughtful participation is greatly appreciated.