Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Bye Bye Love

Storm Damnation
aka Stinky
aka Babycat
September 1995 - April 11, 2006


Stormy put up an incredibly brave fight against her cancer over the last six months. She was happy and full of energy during most of that time, and never complained about the visits to the vet, or the gross-tasting medication, or even the pain. In the last two weeks, her health declined rapidly, and I made the decision to end her suffering today. With the help of two wonderful veterinary specialists, she passed away in her mommy's arms with her sister K.C. close by.

Say what you will about animals not being people, about the loss being lesser somehow. But people don't love you unconditionally. They just don't. People don't trust you completely and unquestionably. And they sure as hell don't fall asleep purring in your armpit every night.

Ten years is a long time to have someone...anyone...in your life, and living without her will be a painful adjustment for K.C. and me. My relationship with her outlasted so many others...boyfriends, roommates, friends...plenty of people came and went, but Stormy was always happy to see me when I came home at the end of the day. And believe it or not, this cat saved my life once. I, quite literally, would not be here without her. And yet somehow, now I am. It's still nearly impossible to believe.

The things I learned and gained from her are innumerable. She survived and overcame the horrible abuse she suffered as a tiny kitten, and over time, learned to love and trust me. She gave me hope that maybe someday I'll be able to do the same. She was graceful and sweet, even in the midst of terrible discomfort. As a mere person, I can only aspire to that kind of strength and humility. Stormycat also taught me something my mother never could...to pick up my dirty socks and underwear off the floor. It didn't occur to Mom that if she really wanted to school me, she should drag said items into her litter box and pee on them when they were left lying around. Storm was smart like that. She was a gorgeous animal, an adorable, pure soul, and I'm lucky to have known her. As godawful as I feel right now, I wouldn't trade my time with her for anything.

I am comforted by a few things that I believe to be true. I believe Stormy is finally back with Jordan, our boy cat, the love of her life, who died over four years ago. She missed him horribly. I know I did the right thing by letting her go when I did. Cancer is evil, and no one should suffer like that. I know that there are far worse things that happen in life. I also know that good can come of those things, if one chooses to make it so.

Many people...friends, family, roommates, co-workers, and even bloggers I've never met, have been unbelievably kind and amazing over the past few months. I don't even know to properly express my gratitude for that, so I will just say thank you, all of you. Your supportive words, thoughts, assistance, and understanding have been immeasurably appreciated.

Fortunate little bitch that I am, I know that some of you will ask me in the coming days if there's anything else you can do to help. Honestly, I'm okay. But if you have an urge to do something for the greater good and all that, please make a donation in Storm's name to these guys. BARC is a no-kill shelter that helps find well-screened homes for hundreds of dogs and cats every year. They're good people. And again...thank you.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some more crying to do, and a Xanax to swallow.

Bye, little pooper. Mommy loves you.

21 Comments:

Blogger Big Dan said...

Sigh.....

9:21 AM  
Blogger Greg said...

I know it was a difficult decision, but you did the right thing. (((hugs)))

12:39 PM  
Blogger Sangroncito said...

Rest in peace, Stormy.
And you did the loving thing, by the way.

3:28 PM  
Blogger Da Nator said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure Storm is sending you love and gratitude for helping her release from her body. I hope you and KC can take extra good care of each other while you're mourning. A little Xanax never hurt, either.

I and my critters will be thinking of you.

4:57 PM  
Blogger P/O said...

i'm so sorry, helen.

as usual, everything you've said is beautiful and true. i won't try to add to it, except to reiterate that we're all out here, thinking of you right now.

9:48 AM  
Blogger missbhavens said...

Oh I'm so, so sorry. A sick pet tugs at your heart in a way that is indescribable. We take these animals into our lives and hearts--their welfare is our responsibility. You've made the right choice--it takes a strong person to decide when enough is enough and to let a beloved furry friend out of a painful situation.

I'm sorry for the loss of your litttle furry buddy.

10:32 AM  
Blogger MEK the Bear said...

Helen, I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, but I think Da Nator got it right, she's grateful for letting her go with dignity, of that I'm sure.

Stormy will always be with you, and you'll feel her presence in little ways here and there. Try and drink that in when it happens, it's the best way I know of to deal with the loss of a loved one.

2:13 PM  
Anonymous Anna said...

They may be animals, but pets ARE family.

I'm sending warm and fuzzy thoughts your way.

2:17 PM  
Blogger Shan said...

Cancer is evil. As brave as Storm sounded, you really did do the right thing.
It's always amazed me how pets can remind us of simple goodness, kindness and just plain unquestionable love.
My sympathies, Helen.

6:28 PM  
Blogger The Scarlet Pervygirl said...

That was very moving, and I appreciated the opportunity you gave me to read it. Thank you.

7:13 PM  
Blogger Lyx said...

How sad....I feel for your loss. My dog is eight years old as of...a month ago. And I'm afraid of the day I'll lose him (I've had him since he was a six-week-old puppy. And he loves only me.). You and Stormy will be in my thoughts!

7:19 PM  
Blogger Theblonde said...

I'm sad for you, it was a tough decision to have to make, but I guess you knew it was coming and had time to prepare, and to say good-bye whilst she purred herself to sleep in your arms too. The best of all evils I suppose.

9:59 AM  
Anonymous Mike P. said...

Oh man...
I'm sorry for your loss chica.
My condolences.

12:11 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Sorry to hear about your loss.

7:34 PM  
Blogger Monique said...

Hugs to you!

8:59 PM  
Blogger Dagon said...

Very sad, Helen.

9:42 PM  
Blogger Cincy Diva said...

My heart and prayers go out to you. I just lost my dearest friend Macy after almost 15 years. It hurts as bad as losing a family member.

11:08 AM  
Blogger Aethlos said...

Bye Bye Kitty! You will be sadly missed!!

1:52 PM  
Anonymous coolcat said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are right - 10 years is a long time. I lost my kitten after just a few months of being with her. I still miss her even though it's been years. I just can't forget her warm unconditional love. *Hugs*

7:18 AM  
Anonymous charles said...

I drink my 5th Airborne of the day to Stormy. L'Chaim!

10:07 PM  
Blogger Babsbitchin said...

I'd be heartbroken if my cat, Fat Bastard were to die. OOOOH, I'm sorry, that's too rough.

10:50 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

Who Links Here