Monday, January 23, 2006

Retard of the Week

I know it's only Monday, and thus may seem premature to bestow a week-long honor such as this upon some worthy party. But there's very little chance that anything anyone will do in the coming week (or year) will put them on equally retarded footing with the mastermind who posted this on craigslist Missed Connections today, so I'm gonna go ahead and crown this guy the big winner:

(finders fee for help) Looking Help from the Cosa Nostra or similar
Reply to: (redacted by me)
Date: 2006-01-23, 12:50PM EST

Ok, help me out here. A finder's fee awarded to successful contact.

I am just an ordinary Joe in desperate need for any contact with the Cosa Nostra et. al..

No -- I am not some law enforcement officer or F B I person pretending as a means of entrapping them

No -- I'm not some married loser who wants to hire some one to "knock-off" his wife

No -- I'm not some naive reporter or NPR type special assignment essayists hoping to find a story for NPR or "This American Life"

No -- I'm not asking for anything il-legal

I'm an ordinary Joe who lives, works, and goes to school, but in desperate need of help and I think the Cosa Nostra people are the right type to offer it.

And, please, no "you dont find them - they find you" bullsh*t.

If I could, I would leave my telephone number, but as it is I can only leave myself available via email.

Serious replies only.
A finder's fee will be given out to successful contact.

I'm not even gonna comment. Too easy...ducks in a bucket.
I'm just gonna, uh, congratulate the Retard of the Week. Yeah. Nice work, big guy.

And then, of course, I'm gonna make a phone call to my Uncle Vito.
(What can I say? I need the money.)


Blogger Big Dan said...

ROTW: Thank you Don Helen! ::kisses little brown ring::

5:08 PM  
Blogger Shan said...

Dear Helen - you have been Tagged by me. There are a bunch of questions on my site which you are now obligated to answer (plus I think you'd come up with some great answers anyway).

Do I have to kiss the ring as well?

12:56 AM  
Blogger Lily said...

Dear Helen,
I too write about sandwhiches, sweaters, and stupidity. Not necessarily in that order. Let us enjoy our boredom.

This does sound like it will beat out whatever transpires this week.

10:39 AM  
Blogger Sangroncito said...

Give Uncle Vito a hug for me.

10:45 AM  
Anonymous John W said...

I love uncle vitos.


2:54 PM  

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