Thursday, November 17, 2005

The "No" List

People I cannot date for reasons I will not explain:

*Stoners
*Lawyers
*Musicians
*Sagittarians
*Golfers
*Thugs
*Twelve Steppers
*Closet Cases
*Christians
*Law Enforcement Officers
*Hippies
*Hipsters
*Dads
*Clean Freaks
*The Facially Pierced
*The Remarkably Tall
*Hardcore Metrosexuals
*Financial Advisors
*Gross Eaters
*The Divorced
*Bush Supporters
*Guys Named Larry

Clearly, I'll be the single girl at the Drag Citizen show tonight. Feel free to say hello. Or, you know, just slap me.

14 Comments:

Blogger missbhavens said...

Oh, yeah. No golfers. And certainly not Christian Golfer Hipsters. Actually, at the top of my list is "Actors".

7:31 PM  
Anonymous Aaron said...

My list includes all of those things, but also, I don't date any men who would stoop to want to date me.

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't date people who use the word , "guess-timate"

Dirty

12:02 PM  
Anonymous js said...

I am dissapointed, I only fell off your list on three items, perhaps I take pick up golf to get a fourth item.

Oh yeah you left out a real key one, Married.

2:12 PM  
Blogger c said...

redundancy in your list:

metrosexuals=closet cases

3:21 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

same list for me, exactly.

just substitute "jose" for Larry.

4:30 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Miss B: Thank you for pointing out a MAJOR oversight on my part. Actors are right up there with musicians. Good call.

Aaron: Groucho Marx-isms aside...we need to sit down sometime soon and talk about how adorable and cool you are. You need an Aaron Rules 101 refresher.

Dirty: I turned a guy down flat a couple of weeks ago for using the word "oodles" without a shred of irony. So yeah, I'm right there with you.

js: Married should go without saying. But considering that I found out after 9 months that The Douche was still married...you're right, it shoulda been on the list. The world is a fucked up place.

Coco: Nuh uh! Sheez...you prolly think Tom Cruise is gay too. What are you, crazy?

4:31 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Joe, I have to concur about Jose. At some point I'd slip and call him "Hose B," and disaster would ensue.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Sangroncito said...

I can`t date Republicans. I want to kill them on the first date.

12:26 AM  
Blogger DMo said...

I made the cut!

10:57 AM  
Blogger Rocky said...

I really enjoyed your list. If I was still single, I'd have two strikes against me because I'm a "Holiday Catholic" and the fact that I can be a gross eater when ice cream is involved.
I'm not sure what the story is with Larry, but I saw no mention of men named Mo or Curley... ;-D

11:10 AM  
Anonymous Big Dan said...

Jesus, every other thing refers to me! Next time just say reasons I won't date the fat kid! I'm a stoner, I play video game golf, I sing in a cover band, I dream about sucking dick (while stoned), I don't have a drinking problem, I'm tall, I wax my eyebrows so I'm obviously a metrosexual......... sigh......

3:06 PM  
Blogger TaraMetBlog said...

I agree with all of your NOs except Sagitarians, we rock ;)

3:16 PM  
Blogger jessica said...

this one surprises me: The Facially Pierced
i would have taken you for someone attracted to that lot. go figure.
and i guess you would never date me cause even though i may not be a "gross" eater, i do eat super fast and i guess that may gross some people out.
and i do "heart" hipsters, even though they can be really pretentious/annoying/irritating at times.

2:38 PM  

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