Thursday, November 17, 2005

The "No" List

People I cannot date for reasons I will not explain:

*Twelve Steppers
*Closet Cases
*Law Enforcement Officers
*Clean Freaks
*The Facially Pierced
*The Remarkably Tall
*Hardcore Metrosexuals
*Financial Advisors
*Gross Eaters
*The Divorced
*Bush Supporters
*Guys Named Larry

Clearly, I'll be the single girl at the Drag Citizen show tonight. Feel free to say hello. Or, you know, just slap me.


Blogger missbhavens said...

Oh, yeah. No golfers. And certainly not Christian Golfer Hipsters. Actually, at the top of my list is "Actors".

7:31 PM  
Anonymous Aaron said...

My list includes all of those things, but also, I don't date any men who would stoop to want to date me.

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't date people who use the word , "guess-timate"


12:02 PM  
Anonymous js said...

I am dissapointed, I only fell off your list on three items, perhaps I take pick up golf to get a fourth item.

Oh yeah you left out a real key one, Married.

2:12 PM  
Blogger c said...

redundancy in your list:

metrosexuals=closet cases

3:21 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

same list for me, exactly.

just substitute "jose" for Larry.

4:30 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Miss B: Thank you for pointing out a MAJOR oversight on my part. Actors are right up there with musicians. Good call.

Aaron: Groucho Marx-isms aside...we need to sit down sometime soon and talk about how adorable and cool you are. You need an Aaron Rules 101 refresher.

Dirty: I turned a guy down flat a couple of weeks ago for using the word "oodles" without a shred of irony. So yeah, I'm right there with you.

js: Married should go without saying. But considering that I found out after 9 months that The Douche was still're right, it shoulda been on the list. The world is a fucked up place.

Coco: Nuh uh! prolly think Tom Cruise is gay too. What are you, crazy?

4:31 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Joe, I have to concur about Jose. At some point I'd slip and call him "Hose B," and disaster would ensue.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Sangroncito said...

I can`t date Republicans. I want to kill them on the first date.

12:26 AM  
Blogger DMo said...

I made the cut!

10:57 AM  
Blogger Rocky said...

I really enjoyed your list. If I was still single, I'd have two strikes against me because I'm a "Holiday Catholic" and the fact that I can be a gross eater when ice cream is involved.
I'm not sure what the story is with Larry, but I saw no mention of men named Mo or Curley... ;-D

11:10 AM  
Anonymous Big Dan said...

Jesus, every other thing refers to me! Next time just say reasons I won't date the fat kid! I'm a stoner, I play video game golf, I sing in a cover band, I dream about sucking dick (while stoned), I don't have a drinking problem, I'm tall, I wax my eyebrows so I'm obviously a metrosexual......... sigh......

3:06 PM  
Blogger TaraMetBlog said...

I agree with all of your NOs except Sagitarians, we rock ;)

3:16 PM  
Blogger jessica said...

this one surprises me: The Facially Pierced
i would have taken you for someone attracted to that lot. go figure.
and i guess you would never date me cause even though i may not be a "gross" eater, i do eat super fast and i guess that may gross some people out.
and i do "heart" hipsters, even though they can be really pretentious/annoying/irritating at times.

2:38 PM  

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