Sunday, November 06, 2005

Procrastination is an art

Things I Did This Weekend Instead of Writing My Novel:

  1. Dyed my roots.
  2. Sorted the recycling.
  3. Added a Frappr map to my blog, thanks to The Uffish Princess (and of course, add yourselves immediately...helloooooo...)
  4. Finally met some of my favorite bloggers and proceeded to get thoroughly hammered with/near them. (Thanks for showing up, kids! Can't wait until the next one...)
  5. Purposely farted on some bigoted snatches who desperately deserved it. (No, really. Call one of my friends a faggot and see what I do to you. Go ahead. They got off easy.)
  6. Obsessed about my cat's potentially cancerous tumor (there's an 80% chance that it's malignant. Fak.)
  7. Played computer games geared toward third graders, because they're the only ones I'm any good at.
  8. Repeatedly checked the NaNoWriMo word count of someone I can't fucking stand, and then obsessed because he's about 40% done with his goddamn book already.

Conclusions, based on the above:

  1. Neurotic much, Helen?
  2. At least I still got it. The procrastination skillz, dat is.
  3. If I still do my best work under pressure, I should be able to sell this novel (which will undoubtedly be written in the last week of the contest) for a bazillion dollars and retire to Mexico with some young tart of a man.

Fuck.Ing.Sweet.

Now, I believe I'll go re-organize my closet. You know, in preparation for all of the brilliant writing I'm going to do this evening.

10 Comments:

Blogger GayProf said...

Hail procrastinating buddy! Instead of grading fifty essays that I have had for over three weeks, I am reading your blog. FYI, I already reorganized my own closet this morning.

4:10 PM  
Blogger curly mcdimple said...

Young tart of a man? But I thought we were going to get hitched?! I considered the olive sharing a real pivotal moment in our budding relationship. I'm crushed quite frankly...

Thanks again for organizing Friday night's festivities. I had a fabulous time... save for the late-night ralph.

5:29 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Prof, you've solidly justified my screwing off...thanks! I think.

Curly...the young tart is coming with us to kill the spiders and open the jars. It goes without saying that his only role will be in servitude to me and my lovely wife. That being you.

Sorry about the barfing. But hey, calorie free pizza, woo hoo!

5:39 PM  
Blogger K. Restoule said...

Once, I signed up for a course teaching Procrastination but I never got around to it. Then 2 years later I got an e-mail that said that I got an A

7:21 PM  
Anonymous Aaron said...

I was going to post the exact same thing. Total progress on my novel since Friday:

I've decided that the heroine has to have an ugly sister with a harelip.

Well, not bad for two days staring at a blank computer screen!

10:30 PM  
Anonymous Big Dan said...

#1 - Your friends are faggots. Do your worst woman! I'm a fan of girl farts and I'd like to see your tiny fists of fury in action. Now for a serious question, who has more interaction with gay people daily? I know ALL of your friends are gay, but I live with, work with, and am in love with several lesbains (with the exception of Renee, she refuses to love broads even for me and I love her even though she's straight) and more than a few men have propostioned me lately.

#2 - What's with you spending so much time in the closet lately?

#3 - At your Mexican Villa will you be taking applications for a bartender? Maybe a chubby almost 30 years old with a wife by then? We don't eat a lot and I can cook! I do pour one mean Jack and Coke, that may seal that deal.

#4 - If your cat has cancer I'll let you kick me in the nuts. I'm sure she's fine already!

1:28 PM  
Blogger c said...

I concur with the above, Friday was sweet. I passed out at 9pm in all of my clothes.

Also, don't sweat the procrastnation bug. My novel has subplots of its subplots, because of exactly such issues, er, ADD symptoms. If I could draw, there would be illustrations.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

I'm so impressed. I can learn a lot from you, I think...

11:08 PM  
Blogger Sangroncito said...

Procrastination...is it an art or a science? And I want a tart, too!

5:56 AM  
Blogger jessica said...

i'm the worst at root-dying procrastination! good for you for getting that done. also, sorry about your cat, i hope s/he is going to be ok!

2:14 PM  

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