Baby, it's cold outside
Best Things About Being a Single Girl When it's Cold Outside:
- Flannel Winnie the Pooh jammies, ancient sweatshirt with toothpaste stain on front, and socks in bed: totally acceptable.
- No need for razors and shave gel. Money saved goes toward new sweaters.
- Boobs look fucking spectacular in sweaters. (not sure how this is relevant to singlehood, but it is a solid fact nonetheless.)
- No one around to say, "Don't you have enough sweaters?" (As if that's possible. Psssh.)
- Cats under covers: totally acceptable.
- Never having to say, "They're hard because I'm cold, not because I want you. Stop touching them. Ow! Asshole!"
- Knowledge of winter flab accrual is ours, and ours alone.
- Masturbation = the ultimate handwarmer.
- Bed warmed by electric blanket, rather than purposely executed boyfarts (or other-girlfarts, as the case may be. All of this applies equally to my lebanese sisters.)
- Careful studying of and multiple changes to scarf-hat-coat-handbag ensemble prior to leaving apartment = totally acceptable.
- Vibrator never, ever puts his/her cold feet on you for his/her own amusement.
Feel free to contribute relevant items as you see fit.
And yes, I forgive you for doubting me.