Wednesday, December 29, 2004


By the time the dust settles and the horrendous task of counting bodies is complete, more people will have died in Southeast Asia this week than live in the town I grew up in. At least sixty thousand lives lost, just like that. September 11 times TWENTY. Not to disregard the very real suffering of the families and friends of 9/11's victims, but I think it's about time we Americans quit our fucking whining and take a look at the rest of the world.

Click here to find out how you can help and/or track down friends and loved ones. Find out if your company is matching donations. If they're not already, do what you must to get them to.

No luck so far in locating my friend David Lam, who has been traveling in Asia for the last six months or so. I can't sleep, so I can hardly imagine what his family and 60,000 others are going through. I'll keep you posted.

It seems ridiculous to blather about much else today...however this depressing event can not go without mention. We'll miss you, Lenny Briscoe. Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

Monday, December 27, 2004

I'm down with OCC...yeah, you know me

So I thought that since I'm one of about 5 people in the office today, I'd have time to bang out the (by now passe) Dublin skinny...but alas, no dice. I have, like, actual WORK to do. Piss.

For now, just a couple of editor's remarks about the happenings of the last few days...

One...I had forgotten how much I love these guys. Great bikes, scads of unintentional comedy, and a dad that's WAY more of a pain in the ass than mine. It don't get no better. Whoever it was at the Discovery Channel that decided to air the Xmas day marathon is now in possession of my undying love. As much as I adore Big Paul and the boys, though, I'm gonna have to pass on their fragrance line. (W...T...F???) Good thing it's for men, anyway. Hey wait...maybe my dad would like it! I mean, he wore Stetson for years! And his birthday's coming up...hmmm...

Two...Forgot to mention that the cooler-than-cool ISO team at work invited me along to see Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure. I think I've made it quite clear that people with more issues than me are, in my book, wonderful entertainment (when they present themselves as entertainers, that is. okay, sometimes even when they don't.) That said...this dude is aces. And in bad need of quaaludes. Whao.

Three...ah, exes and their lonely, pathetic, inevitable Xmas calls. Gotta love 'em...or not. Good thing I had fully anticipated mine. I'm pleased to say that not only did I have no desire to return the call, but that it served to reaffirm that my decision to run for the hills was the best one I could have made. I sent a short, polite email to which I received a sorry, desperate attempt to manipulate my emotions in that old familiar way...sorry honey, no worky. See, about a month or so ago, I discovered this magic elixir that cures at least some of life's unnecessary sorrows. It's called SELF WORTH. I don't think it's available at Whole Foods, but I assure you that it's delightfully affordable and well worth the investment. So, um, yeah...not.

At the risk of speaking too soon...this may have been the least depressing holiday season I've had since I was six or something. Sweet!

And I promise and swear to Elvis Costello that I'll post the dirt on Dublin during the course of the upcoming week/weekend. No, really.

Oh, ps...I did in fact go in search of Marine #1 last Wednesday after work, but alas, him and his big truck full o'toys were already gone. Damn.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Toys R so totally Us

Okay, so I'm one of those annoying people who loves her job. Love my coworkers, love my company, love what I do. I know it's irritating as hell...Don't hate me too much, though, because here's why:

We did a little fundraising thing in the office for Toys for Tots. As of this morning, we had about $200.00 to spend...not too shabby, right? So I sent out a little email to everyone just reminding them that today was the last day to donate...three hours later, I was sitting on EIGHT HUNDRED EFFING DOLLARS. Yeah. Amazing. There's nothing like spending your workday surrounded by people who actually give a shit and are willing & able to back it up.

So Lynn and William and I head off to the psychotically huge Toys R'Us in Times Square...three goofy-ass A.D.D. kids our damn selves...and proceed to go completely.fucking.MAD. Who didn't dream, as a kid, of a gi-normo toy store shopping spree? Hellooooooo...We're talking everything, from Scrabble to Legos...a Shrek backpack, assorted Spiderman shit, My Little PONY (ferchristsakes) , Finding Nemo dolls, Spongebob this and that, Play-Doh (those parents will hate us), Hot it, we bought it. "Oooooooh, I want one-a those! And THOSE! And THOSE!" We were having so much fun that we didn't even get (too) pissed about the godawful crowds. Denisse, our adorable little tiny cashier, was infinitely patient as she rang up bag after bag of stuff...I didn't hear her cuss under her breath at us even once. The girl deserves a raise (or at least a stiff drink. Or five.) And let me tell you, $800.00 buys an absolutely crazy amount of shit at the toy store these days, George Bush's ruined economy be damned. Those kids are SO hooked up, as it should be.

So then, after the seemingly endless trek out of the store, we made our way to the Toys for Tots truck parked in the middle of Times Square, where our karmic reward was already waiting for us. Two Marines were in charge of collecting the donated toys, and Marine #1 was so stunningly gorgeous that I actually lost my ability to speak for, like, three full minutes. I believe this to be a new record. I completely get that whole "support our troops" thing now. (And yes, of course we got photos.)

The thing is, prior to all this I was just reaching the point where I was sick of people asking me about my holiday plans, which are non-existent. I'm not at all unhappy about staying home and watching TV, but nonetheless, hearing about it was getting old. Now when anyone asks, I can tell them I've already done my holiday shite. I'm all set. That was far and away the most holiday-related fun I've ever, ever had, and an opportunity I wouldn't have had if not for the utter awesomeness of my co-workers. Hot. Very, very hot.

So there you go...I love my job. And I really love Lynn and Will. And damn, I looooooove that Marine. In fact, I'm presently trying to work up the guts to go, my support. For our troops and whatnot. Wish me luck. (I'll report back, of course.) Happy Holidaze, all y'all.

Oh and PS...Special shout out to my friend Jordan, who turns 30 today. Happy Birthday kid! (And yes, I'm still older than you, you bastard.)

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Back on the block

No, I don't really want to talk much about the trip to Colorado, but thank you (sincerely) for asking. It went "as well as could be expected" (bleh), and I was fortunate for the opportunity to be with my friends and say a proper goodbye to an outstanding man.

My birthday was fairly to see both Amy and my darling Doug, which was great. Had Sour Patch Kids for breakfast and was The Great Cornholio for hours afterward, also pretty great. And then, to cap it off, Scully had some awesome b-day loot for me (books, a designer toothbrush, a Gauguin coloring book, and a punch-out model book of an African village) when she picked me up for the airport. Thank god for my well-honed sense of irony, or else our Mexican dinner at the strip mall in Longmont would have been horribly depressing. The chile rellenos were fattening and delicious.

So I flew home, landed in the wee hours of the AM yesterday, slept a bit, came to work, and then went out with my team for an amazing dinner (thanks LG!) The whup-ed-ness is finally setting in...when it wears off some, I'll dole out the goods on Dublin. Promise.

In the meantime, I encourage you to go to town on that Cornholio website. Not that you really require my encouragement for such things, of course.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

A slight change of plans

Man, it's all about loss sometimes. It just is, no matter what else you do to counter it. It's part of life, I get that, okay...but it's certainly far from my favorite part.

Orval Hedger, a very dear and well-loved man and the father of Amy Jean, my longest-standing friend in the world, made the impossibly horrible decision to end his own life on Saturday. Both the pain he must have been in and that he has caused his loved ones are completely incomprehensible.

So I'm off to Colorado on a 6AM flight, because all I can do is show up and be there for Amy. The Dublin story, and everything else, will have to wait. (It better be a good story, for all the suspense that's been built up about it by work is cut out for me...)

I know the holiday season is taxing in every sense of the word, and at the end of the day you might not have much of anything left to give. But if you can, please send whatever good thoughts and energy and whatnot to my friend, because damn, she needs it. Thanks.

Monday, December 13, 2004


Okay, yes, I'm back...thanks for all the emails and whatnot while I was gone. It's nice to be missed.

The trip was amazing and I'll speak at annoying length about it soon...believe me, I took copious notes and even more copious photographs, so I'll hook y'all up. Right now, though, I've still got the 100+degree fever I've had since Saturday morning, my whole body hurts from the hair down, and I'm here at work, squinting at the screen in the middle. Not pretty.

But I'll leave you with this for the moment...Dublin was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I'm over what I needed to get over, I learned some stuff I didn't even know I needed to learn, met people I needed to meet (and one that I'm pretty sure I already knew, in an alternate universe or something), and proved some things about myself TO myself that I had somehow forgotten or let slide throughout my life. Completely, entirely awesome.

More soon, I promise. Now, more OJ and Advil. Yeesh...

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Have fun stormin' the castle!

Well, I didn't storm it so much as toured it...Dublin Castle, that is...and emerged both unsurprised that I'm descended from Vikings and half way in love with Walter, my Irish/Sri Lankan tour guide. It's a damn shame that I'm still so dependent on liquid courage, that's all I gotta say about that. (For now, anyway. More discourse on both the castle and its comely guide is, of course, inevitable.)

Hope you bastards miss me.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Random Dublin-ness

So I'm keeping kind of a daily log of events, sights, and funny shit that I'll compile into a blog when I get back. These European keyboards are just too frustrating for me to go into the necessary detail...that, and I'd rather be out experiencing things to blog about instead of, you know, just blogging for the sake of it. Actually, right now I'm only writing because the (Italian?) guy on the PC next to me at this shitty little internet cafe is wicked hot. (What can I say?)

Anyway, I'm getting sick, so off to find some medicine (read: Guinness) and people to pass my germs to.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Dublin City, dats right

Alright, so I made it in one piece...travelled all night, slept all day...More soon, just ate dinner & was befriended by the waitress, who's taking me out for beers tomorrow. Already in love with this city.

Guinness awaits!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Cereality and the Language of Love

This may be the coolest thing I've ever seen. (Aside from Clooney's ass in Solaris, of course.) I'm pissed, of course, that I didn't think of it, especially considering that I subsisted on cereal for five or so years. Oh well..One more reason to get myself out to Philly sometime soon.

And mad, mad MAD props go out to my friend Shannon, who knows how to take propah care o' his biatches...check out the Gaelic Dictionary he sent me, to prepare me for my trip to Dublin tomorrow. All the bases are now officially covered. All I have to say is...You're a whore! Cheers!

Any THEN, Amy sends me this Irish Translator, which should help me out if I get into a commumication jam. My first new phrase: "Feck you, mammyfecker!" Somehow I think "Shit, do you have a condom? This one's eight years old!" will sound much more elegant in Gaelic...

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

World AIDS Day 2004

Okay, so I don't often ask anyone who reads my blather to think about much of anything. I mean, who would really want to read it if that were the case, right?

But today is different. World AIDS Day. Please think about that. Why? Well, aside from the obvious reasons, like the fact that this worldwide pandemic shows no signs of slowing (helloooooo...), this is a very personal issue for me.

Now, almost 25 years into the pandemic, most people have either lost at least one loved one to AIDS or know someone who has. My cousin, Michael Kevin Barry, died from AIDS-related complications on August 23, 1989, at the age of 34. That seemed so old to me at the time, but he was only two years older than I am now. He was and still is the most amazing, kind, piss-your-pants hilarious, talented, beautiful person I've ever known. Now he's a patch on the ever-expanding AIDS quilt. My family never really recovered from the loss.

Tons of Michael's friends have died since then. The rest are all HIV+, as are many of my friends. The great thing is, the research is WORKING. Huge strides have been made...there are highly effective drug therapies available, and researchers are learning more about the virus and how it works all the time. can still get it, probably more easily than you think. And you can still die from it, contrary to what seems to be becoming popular belief. So, um, use condoms and stuff. Educate yourself. Pay attention. Donate cash if you've got it, and your time if you don't, to organizations like ACT UP and The HIV/AIDS Information Outreach Project (or BCAP and Project Angel Heart, for those of you in Colorado.)

You can even click here, and Kenneth Cole will donate a dollar to AIDS research. That's easy enough, right?

Tomorrow I'll go back to complete nonsense and abject retardation for your entertainment, I promise. Thanks for at least humoring me in the meantime.

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