Monday, October 01, 2007

Open letter to a fellow straphanger

Dear Not-Otherwise-Unattractive Middle-Aged Woman on the 5 Train,

When dressing for work, you may want to consider wearing tops that actually cover your relatively sizable boobs. This is especially true in your case, considering the startling amount of hair you've got growing on those things.

I mean, I certainly think it's okay to exude a certain amount of sex appeal in the office...but when your mostly-bare jugs look like the fuzzy tops of baby heads, I'm guessing you probably shouldn't hold your breath waiting for that promotion.

Sincerely,


Helen Damnation



p.s. I'm telling you this, dear lady, because I care. No, really. -HD

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13 Comments:

Anonymous Anna said...

Hairy boobs are freakin' hilarious... and so are you!

I'm glad to see you're back - I've gotta go back and catch up on your posts!

1:03 PM  
Blogger more cowbell said...

Oh my. My former Mother-In-Law had hair in her cleavage. She didn't give a damn. When I first met her, she wore a V-neck one night telling me, "There's a lot of men who think that's sexy, honey. Mm-hmm, lots of men."

I'll take her word for it. Personally, I'd be waxing those bad boys. Er, girls.

6:34 PM  
Blogger Jake said...

Holy kittens -- it was Boob Day on the world's public transportation, and you and I were the only two to chronicle it.

9:56 PM  
Anonymous Faustus, M.D. said...

You are so kind!

12:12 AM  
Blogger David said...

I read the New Yorker to avoid just such observations.

12:59 PM  
Blogger RG said...

Are you sure it wasn't some leather boy doing the subway ride of shame home? I've seen plenty of Man-boobies at the RamRod in Boston, where some of boys think a harness is an underwire support.

2:48 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Ack!

You just made me recall a girl I knew back in school who had hairy nipples.

Ack!

Ack!

Ick!

5:15 PM  
Blogger GayProf said...

Don't they make some type of topical cream for that?

3:01 PM  
Blogger The Truffle said...

Gack!

I once saw a woman waiting at the curb. She was wearing a dress with no underwear. How do I know? Because her dress rode up where her pocketbook slung over her shoulder, and I could see the bottoms of her bare butt cheek. YIKES!

Moral of the story: Underwear is your friend. Always wear underwear.

1:57 PM  
Blogger Dusty said...

Sweet Jebus in a speedo..like babies heads? That hairy?

9:56 PM  
Blogger Da Nator said...

I think you met my ex-boss!

7:27 PM  
Anonymous BML said...

Uh...I didn't even know that women could HAVE hairy chests!!!! Of course, I have no experience in such matters :)

2:49 PM  
Blogger BigAssBelle said...

damn. hairy boobs? i saw a woman in stuttgart, arkansas over the weekend who had a very luxurious, thick, unapologetically prominent mustache. amazing. i guess that's a lot of self confidence right there. i thought i had it, but draw the line at facial and/or chest hair.

1:30 PM  

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