Wednesday, September 26, 2007

It's getting to the point...

Where I'm no fun anymore.
I am sorry.

To make up for it, here is some information you might find very useful. This is a lesson I learned shortly after my surgery this summer, when I was sick to the point that I could no longer ingest necessary medications orally:

Suppositories go up your butt!


I learned this by examining the instruction label on a package of suppositories very, very carefully. Even though I can't actually read, the illustrations are so helpful that I was able to figure it out and use the medication properly...

And that, my friends, is the very definition of awesome.

Then, just when you thought it couldn't get one bit better...
I'd like to state for the record that, since breaking up with my last ex, I actually only have one rectum, and thus found it necessary to use just one suppository at a time. But hey, that's just me. No matter how many rectums you personally have, you're still okay.

I hope you find these marvellously detailed directions as helpful as I did. I am nothing if not a helper.


Blogger Da Nator said...

Well, go figure! No wonder they taste so bad.

2:30 PM  
Blogger RG said...

I just had this picture in my head of you running around looking for two other rectums.

Thanks for the chuckle.

3:57 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...


That's a great graphic of the arrown and squatting stick figure.

7:55 PM  
Anonymous tater said...

I once had a photo assistant exclaim to me that he couldn't help me switch sets because had to run put the business deposit in "the bank suppository". I kept imagining him sticking that big bag up some poor tight ass banker's fat ass...

10:43 AM  
Blogger David said...

Prescription co-pay: $5
Hand sanitizer: $3
Instruction graphic for use of suppositories: priceless

Good thing they told you one per rectum, else you'd be shoving them up there by the handful, right?

And Dr. Snook? Seriously?

2:35 PM  
Blogger rodger said...

Now I'll get a cloth to wipe up the juice I just sprayed all over my keybaoard, monitor and my assistant who sits just outside my office door.

BTW - I saw that same graphic on the bathroom wall at The Eagle!

3:31 PM  
Anonymous tater said...

I like that the instructions told you not to freeze the medication. I've had the experience of getting my tongue stuck on the metal ice tray, can't imagine the difficulty of having my meds freeze to the lining of my butthole. :) Ha!

4:33 PM  
Blogger evilganome said...

I think the rectum number thing might have something to do with the blurred vision warning. Though, I can seriously see where the graphic would be helpful, since I already know far too many people who don't know their ass from their elbow.

10:34 AM  
Blogger LT Garcia said...

All that and Dr. Snook too? LOL

I can't decide if having more than one rectum would be more convenient or inconvenient, really...

9:16 AM  
Blogger Greg said...

too funny, thanks!

7:47 AM  
Blogger missbhavens said...

Oh god! I'd be SO very afraid of any medication that went in my ass and somehow affected my freakin' EYES!!!

That being said, I hope you are well on the road to recovery, you one-rectum-gal, you!

5:26 PM  

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