Saturday, December 16, 2006

Nature's own revenge

Everybody has one.

It's that one person in your past who, no matter how hard you may try, you're unable to forget. The one ex who didn't so much break your heart as shove it through a meat grinder, make a burger of it, eat it, crap it out, and flush it away. Yeah, that one.

Time passes. You get over it, you move on, you grow.
Or at least you think you do.

And then, years later, the bastard turns 40 WAAAAAAAAY before you ever will, and the perverse pleasure you garner from it is so intense that it almost makes that sorry turd of a relationship and the torture you endured for it worthwhile.

Maturity is SO kick ass. Being old, though...that sucks.


Happy birthday, shitbird.


Blogger Red7Eric said...

Oh wow, I don't have one of those ... yet. But congrats on surviving the shitbird and for managaing to pull off that neat trick of always being younger than him, no matter what. Woo hoo! Rock on.

9:01 AM  
Blogger Michael said...

So where is the shitbird? shiting on someone else or did everyone get wise to the loser?

6:06 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Thanks Eric!

And Michael...unfortunately, the shitbird is still flying over the female population and dropping bombs with a fair amount of success. Cross your fingers that he gets ugly in his forties.

7:26 PM  
Blogger Big Dan said...

And fat. Hope he gets fat too.

11:51 AM  
Blogger GayProf said...


You know, in addition to the satisfaction of the liars being YEARS older than you, it also feels pretty good that they look a decade older than they really are (which is YEARS older than you). Being mean makes you old.

I am not sayin', I am just sayin'.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

There's actually a very good chance of that, considering that he used to be huge. The first time I saw him, many years before involved, or whatever...I thought he was an obese homeless person. True story. Unfortunately for me and many, MANY others, he took up cycling, lost about a thousand pounds, and got a decent haircut. Shitbird.

12:12 PM  
Blogger Red7Eric said...

I always thought that those who were ugly on the outside were meant to be beautiful on the inside, a la Cinderella, Fosca, Ugly Betty, and Fanny Brice -- and that even when they transformed into a physical beauty, their inner beauty remained. Are you telling me that there are people who are just double ugly??!!


1:13 PM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

GayProf: Sing it, sister.

Eric: Sorry to pee in your Wheaties, kiddo...double ugly is all around us, unfortunately.
But hey, so is booze, so whooopeeeee!

6:01 PM  
Anonymous Yen said...

When I was 12, I had the biggest crush on a classmate. He was lean, a prefect, plays basketball with all the cool kids. Of course, I was the scrawny kid who was a "good reader." Anyway, so I saw him again last month in Singapore. And he was bald. at 26. Woof.

9:08 AM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

There's also Triple, and Quadruple Ugly, unfortunately.

4:47 PM  

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