Madame Helen, fortune teller
How do I know this, you ask? Is Helen clairvoyant, perhaps?
Well, in a manner of speaking, yes. Yes I am.
You see, today, I developed a Third Eye. And by "Third Eye," I mean "horrible zit, so enormous that I couldn't hide it if I constructed a fucking billboard in front of my face."
My Third Eye tells me the future.
"Helen," it says, "you look like crap on a saltine. So tonight, when you go out with your little friends, there will be hotties everywhere. And they won't be looking at you, honey. Except to snicker about your zit, of course. Have a nice time, bitch!"
Can't hardly wait.