Tuesday, August 09, 2005

That's what I get for bitching

See, because then, the toilet broke...and then, the refrigerator broke, spoiling a couple hundred bucks worth of groceries...and THEN, because of this infernally swampy weather we're having, I was attacked by a horde of vengeful mosquitoes at 3 AM and have been wiiiiiiiiiiide awake since then. The upside is, the bite to my lower lip caused it to swell quite nicely. I can now see the appeal of collagen injections. Fa.Bu.Lous.

I get it. Sometimes I need a reminder that things could always be worse. The universe done fucked with me again. At least this time I deserved it.


Blogger Beau said...

A horde of vengeful mosquitoes in Brooklyn NY? Live and learn. I thought I lived in vengeful horde central. Maybe that's vengeful WHORE central. Nevermind...

9:00 AM  
Anonymous Big Dan said...

Could be worse, you could be me! My shit tore open and I have a wick in my stomach now like I'm a fucking candle. This morning I took a big dump, took a shower, pulled a giant piece of Mesalt (what the fuck is a Mesalt anyway) wick from my stomach. THEN I had to jam a new one in with a ginormous Q-tip. I think I'm gonna hurl just thinking about it. Oh and I have naturally full lips, think collagen would work on my lack of ass problem??

9:31 AM  
Blogger Helen the Felon said...

Dan, I can't believe you didn't take the opportunity to ask me how the toilet broke. I left that opening there just for you. For the record, some piece in the tank snapped off. But that was a great doot joke just waiting to happen, and you BLEW IT! You must really be hurtin'...sorry love.

And in response to your question, I think they usually take fat from one's ass and inject it in the lips. I don't see why they couldn't do the opposite for you.

9:42 AM  
Anonymous Big Dan said...

Hey Helen, how DID the toilet break anyway?? But yeah, I'm that far off my game today. Worst case is infection with more surgery and no vegas. I find out in a few days. I hope everyone likes reading abut my broken stomach. Cheers!

10:10 AM  
Blogger Sangroncito said...

The gods will not be mocked!

1:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm praying for my fridge to break completely. Currently it is just flooding...which is weird. And as you know, nothing here gets fixed until it totally breaks or catches fire and kills someone.

Good luck with the new toilet. I hope it can keep up with you. I will light and candle and say a prayer for it.


4:08 PM  

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