A day in the life of a Lady of Leisure
4:34 AM: Wake up roommates with loud swearing resulting from toe stubbed on...something, fuck knows what.
4:35 AM: Pour huge glass of water, spilling a surprisingly small amount. Ingest 4 preemptive Advil. Eat one slice whole-wheat bread in a feeble attempt to soak up aforementioned scotch.
4:47 AM: Pass out, one foot planted firmly on floor to avert inevitable bedspins.
9:53 AM: Wake up, groan loudly, ponder possibility of vomiting, wish for temporary death, roll over, resume fitful, sweaty sleep.
11:09 AM: Awaken, disrobe entirely due to inclement heat, shuffle to roommate's computer, check email, wish again for temporary death, play brainless computer game for 45 minutes.
12:13 PM: Take obligatory post-bender purse inventory. Find three phone numbers, fourteen flyers for bands never heard before, and $6 US currency. Calculate evening's spending based on funds remaining. Ponder punching self, Fight Club style. Decide against it. Sigh heavily.
12:17 PM: Cook eggs naked, while drinking organic lemonade. Eat egg sandwich while checking Friendster messages. Lament utter uselessness of existence in general.
1:02 PM - 10:18 PM: Watch 7 consecutive episodes of Oz on DVD while continuously consuming dry cereal, muffins, veggie salami sandwiches, and aforementioned organic lemonade. Worry idly how to pay bills sans income. Nap briefly. Awaken, worry even more about the fact that season 6 of Oz not yet out on DVD, and season 5 now halfway over. Attempt to consider activities other than Oz on DVD; none come to mind. Mild panic ensues.
10:18 PM: Speak with Coco. Lament hangover, recap past night's activities and embarrassments, giggle like a girlscout.
10:27 PM: Urinate for the first time all day. Make mental note not to promote/allow such devastating dehydration going forward.
10:36 PM: Sleep.
You want to be me, and you know this.