The Biggest Helen

There's something inherently evil about eating a large pizza and an order of extra-greasy garlic knots while watching a marathon of The Biggest Loser.

That didn't stop me, of course.

I think I'll pay my karmic debt by sleeping with Marty, who at this point has lost like 600 pounds and morphed into a total hottie.

Still going to hell. But I might get a good seat.