Thursday, May 26, 2005

Goddammit, America

What, exactly, is WRONG with you people? Huh? First George Dubya Part Deux, and now this...


"Oh my god! I better start barfing now if I'm gonna lose that 20 pounds by the time my shitty single comes out!"

Seriously folks, what the fuck were you THINKING? I guess America's no more ready for a real rock star on American Idol than it was for a progressive thinker in the White House. Heavy, heavy sigh.

First things Carrie Underwood needs to do as reigning American Idol are A) fire her stylist, and B) cut back on the refined sugars, for fuck's sake. Who puts plaid on a fat girl? Damn.

Don't get me wrong...Carrie can sing. But bottom line, Carrie...I knew Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Clarkson was a friend of mine. And you, miss, are no Kelly Clarkson. [editor's note: no, I do not actually know Kelly Clarkson, nor is she a friend of mine. If you don't recognize that quote...sorry, I can't help you.]

As for Bo Vice...er...BICE...the kid is the perfect mix of Aaron Lazar and Donnie Van Zant...what more could you ask for? (Oh, wait...a bad dye job and a vagina. Right.) I take comfort in the fact that he's famous now either way. I'm sure he'll be knocking up supermodels before the year's out. Hang in there, Bo! This here urban freak squad loves you!

6 Comments:

Blogger Dagon said...

You freakin' rule! You're into The Giraffes as well!

I'm a bit bitter about Aaron Lazar's heterosexuality, but I've forgiven him enough to have nice, casual conversation at Baby Dayliner shows. He's very sweet. Still, I want to wrestle him and check out his surgical scars...

12:11 AM  
Anonymous Big Dan said...

I didn't watch Idol at all. I am excited that there will be auditions in Boston though. Ima gone bee on tha teevee! - Bo looks a little Meat Loafish to me in the pic you posted of him.

9:56 AM  
Blogger Joe said...

I'm sorry, but I just couldn't get into AI this season. Not with the vision of that dreamy, hunka testosterone Clay Aiken still burnin' up my screensaver.

10:48 AM  
Anonymous charles said...

Was it you who came up the adjective "bepoodled"? Genius.

1:42 PM  
Blogger farmboyz said...

I knew this day would come.
Tuesday, but no Idol this evening.
What to do?
At leaast I've the memory of Vonzelle slumped on the piano while Billy Preston led her through Born Again.
Maybe next season they'll higher a decent band, better arrangers and some new coaches.

7:10 AM  
Anonymous Rider said...

Nice to meet you here..
Rider

1:19 PM  

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