Saturday, February 04, 2006

So Helen wants to be a rock-n-roll star

I don't know that I've mentioned this before, but your friend Helen has every intent of being a big rockstar someday. No, really.

The pursuit of an elusive dream such as this one typically requires huge talent, years of toil and commitment, and a good dose of determination.

Someone like me, however, who has zero musical talent and is far too lazy and/or otherwise occupied for any of that other stuff, better have a damn good title for her record. Something beyond catchy...a title that makes the record utterly irresistible to the average music consumer at large.

It occurred to me that I have a wonderful ready-made test audience...a focus group of sorts, to gauge the appeal of some potential album titles. That would be you.

So here's the final list of possible titles. Please vote for your favorite, or feel free to submit your own suggestions:

  • I Don't Remember Eatin' That! [my favorite post-belch line]
  • Percocet Wishes and PBR Dreams
  • Kanye West Presents [Kanye makes it a sure thing]
  • Free Porn DVD Inside
  • Teenage Waistband
  • Everything's Better With Kanye
  • Low Hopes and High Fiber
  • Helen Loves Kanye
  • Everyone Loves Kanye
  • Top 40 Music is for Smart Awesome People Like YOU!
  • Get Behind Me Kanye
  • Clap Your Hands Say Kanye!
  • Oprah's Record Club Selection of the Month
  • A Million Little Pieces [hey, it worked for that other talentless douche]

Okay, there you have it. Now git out and vote! I'm gonna go, like, learn how to play the guitar, or something.


Blogger Joey Polanski said...

Or prhaps: Give Up Da Clap 4 Kanye.

11:07 AM  
Blogger GayProf said...

What do you mean you are going to become a rockstar?

Have you tracked your following among gay men lately? You easily surpassed Judy and you are closing fast on Cher. For us queer boys, you are a rockstar! ¡Viva Helen!

4:10 PM  
Blogger Shan said...

I think you could really do well with "Helen's Bits & Pieces" or "Go Soak Your Head You Plonker"...

Some potential to pull an international gaggle of followers right there :)

10:37 PM  
Blogger missbhavens said...

How about "Kanye gave Me The Clap"?

Go test out your rock & roll pipes at Punk/Metal Live Band Karaoke at Continental on Mondays...

1:33 PM  
Anonymous Aaron said...

I suggest: "Exile on Main St." and "Seven and the Ragged Tiger."

1:45 PM  
Blogger Big Dan said...

"Shitters and Titters"

'nuff said

2:29 PM  
Blogger Sangroncito said...

Low Hopes and High Fiber gets my vote...

7:06 AM  
Blogger farmboyz said...

I think Teenage Waistband is magic. And it should be a solo act. Stop washing your hair and stop worrying about talent and energy. You've got the uber qualification: the great rack. All you'll need to do is manage to sit upright on stage for at least a portion of your performance. You should open with Candle in the Wind (Junior remix) and the Bossa Nova version of Fool On The Hill slowed down to almost a full stop between each word, and punctuated by shuddering spates of weeping.

7:59 AM  
Blogger Da Nator said...

How about "This CD Will Make Your Parents Furious, feat. Kanye, Jay-Z, Beyonce, Usher, Eminem and the ghosts of Tupac, Notorious BIG and Ol' Dirty Bastard. Oh, and Kelly Clarkson."

You are one funny chick. May I link to your blog? I promise not to call you a lesbian.


- Santy Clause (ret.)

10:58 AM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

I like Free Porn DVD Inside - that could be the name of the Album and the name of the band is 'Free Porn 'n Chicken' - which would look great on a marquee.

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey I'm a Helen too! These are the Helens' I know I know...sing it with me...these are the Helens' I knowwwww....Actually is a song sung by the Kids in the Hall many years Helens' are wonderful.....!!!!!

3:20 AM  

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